Co-Habitation

As a pastor I deal with a lot of young couples that seem to think that co-habitation is a good idea. There is this mindset that they embrace that says, "Everybody's doing it." Actually, no, nearly half of couples are not.

Many young couples believe that "Living together is a step toward marriage." No, it is actually a step toward break-up - either before or after the wedding.

A lot of couples that live together think, "We are in a committed relationship." Untrue. The ONLY truly committed relationship is marriage.

I've met many young couples that think that living together is a trial marriage. (You know the old, you don't want to buy a pair of shoes before you've tried them on mentality.) Actually, co-habitation is the worst possible preparation for a healthy marriage. It increases the odds of divorce by 50%.

One of the biggest reasons I have come across that couples share about living together is this: "We can't afford to move apart." The truth is that singles can save just as much money by living with someone of the same gender.

I've been told, "We love each other, so it's okay." Well, the way I see it, if you really loved each other, you would do what's best for each other and for the relationship - what's sanctioned by God and proven through the ages to be the safest, best, most fulfilling way to love.

Young couples reason, "It can't hurt anybody." At least one partner is hurt if the relationship disintegrates, which it is likely to do. Also, since co-habitors are as likely as married couples to have children, if the relationship ends, the children feel abandoned and experience significant trauma that can have lifelong effects.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this one, "A marriage license is just a piece of paper." No, it represents a way of life, a state of being blessed by God and sanctioned by the church, government and community. That "piece of paper" affects every aspect of life: health, happiness, longevity and sex. They're all better with that "piece of paper."

Young couples think that it doesn't matter because, "We're getting married anyway." Don't be so sure. Half of couples living together never marry and those who do are much more likely to divorce. Even a month's co-habitation damages the relationship.

Most people that live together think, "What we do is no one's business." Co-habitation is everyone's business. It threatens society morally and burdens it financially. Eight out of ten co-habiting relationships will fail before or after the wedding, which costs taxpayers a staggering $185 billion a year.

Here's the deal, Jesus takes a serious stand on this issue. Look what he said to the woman at the well in John 4:17b-18. It was a gentle rebuke, but she was convicted. She left him telling everyone, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did," in John 4:29.

What it boils down to for me is this. When couples live together before marriage, they cheat themselves of the marriage covenant. A marriage isn't about a wedding day, or a dress, or a "piece of paper." It is about a Promise that the couple makes not just to a pastor and not just before a crowd of supporting loved ones...but it is a Promise made before a Holy God who takes it very, very seriously! So should we!