Divorce and Remarriage

I have been contacted recently by a couple different individuals regarding a teaching about divorce and remarriage. The individuals were attempting to get me to agree with their position that any person who divorces his or her spouse and then remarries another person is in fact committing adultery.

This is based on a faulty understanding of the original language and how the word "divorce" is translated. The main passage applied on this is from Matthew 19:4-9. In this passage Jesus affirms first, and foremost, that marriage is between a male and a female. Even though this does need to be clarified in our current day, those who think it is hatred to preach such a message (that marriage is solely between a male and a female) hate Jesus because he is the one who preached this first.

Jesus continued with stressing that once a couple become one flesh then no one should separate that union because God is the One who has joined them together (vs. 6). The disciples then challenge this with the question, "Then why did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" (vs. 7)

That word translated "divorce" in verse 7 is the Greek word "APOSTASION". It is the word that refers to the legal process (where a written certificate is issued) of divorce. But it also refers to "sending her away." That is the Greek word "APOLUO". This is merely a physical separation. One mate leaves the other's presence for a period of time (or maybe for good).

As Jesus responds to this question by the disciples he does not use the word "APOSTASION" (the legal process of divorce where a certificate is issued) he refers to physical separation.

Look closely at verse 8. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce (APOLUO) your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."

The word is translated "divorce" in the English text (except the KJV does a very good job translating this "put away"). Remember, this is a physical separation.

Jesus is saying that because of man's hard heartedness, because of our sin, Moses permitted for couples to separate when issues arose that they believed were irreconcilable. But Jesus takes this permission to a new level.

This wasn't uncommon for Jesus. He defined adultery as more than simply having sex with someone other than your spouse. If a man looks at a woman lustfully then he has committed adultery with her in his heart.

Here Jesus gives a very high view of marriage, in my opinion. There is no problem, no issue, no circumstance that couples cannot work through with God's help. So look at what Jesus says in verse 9...

"I tell you that anyone who divorces (APOLUO) his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Look at the word employed. He uses the word that refers to physical separation. Which makes perfect sense. If my wife separated from me and then she married another man, she would be committing adultery because she would still be legally married to me!

The goal of "APOLUO" is reconciliation. And the fact that Jesus says that the only reason a couple should separate is for marital unfaithfulness (the word is porneia in Greek which is adultery) means that Jesus believes in the permanency of the marriage covenant.

What could very well have happened in Jesus' day was that a legalistic Pharisee could "APOLUO" his wife but not necessarily go through the whole process of "APOSTASION". And then that same Pharisee could travel to another town and "marry" a prostitute and sleep with her. Then in the morning he would "APOLUO" the prostitute and go back to his home and take back his first wife. And he would feel proud that he never broke the law.

That is clearly wrong. Jesus made it abundantly clear that marriage is a permanent covenant between a man and a woman.

But we have preachers and teachers today who wrongly interpret this passage from Matthew 19 to state that the only way a person who has been divorced and remarried can right themselves with God is to leave their current spouse (and potential children) and go back to their first marriage.

It is a damnable doctrine in my opinion that only brings hurt and pain to those who have already been through the pain of divorce.

Let me state a couple of things VERY clearly. Divorce is not God's will. It is not His design. As Jesus teaches in Matthew 19, marriage is something that is to be permanent. It is something though, that God permitted under Moses due to man's sinfulness.

That hasn't changed. Divorces still occur. And in many churches, divorced Christians are treated like second-class Christians. This should not be. Divorce hurts people in a very real way. And the church needs to help people understand a Biblical view of marriage and the power of Yahweh Rapha (the God of healing).

There is so much more that can be said and written on this topic by men greater and smarter than myself. But I am convinced that we need to understand our Bibles better than we do. Because it is lack of understanding Scripture that only bring hurt into peoples lives.

I want to pay a note of respect and gratitude to my Uncle Scott Sheridan for his study on this topic.

 

My Hero

This is Mabel Harper. This picture was taken in 1940 for her graduation. Mabel was the youngest of three children born to Frank and Missouri Harper. The Harpers were not Christians.  

Mabel married a handsome young man and they started their life together. But Mabel and her new husband weren’t Christians. Mabel decided she needed to find a church because she was pregnant and she wanted her kids to go to church even if she never went when she was a kid.

Mabel tried a church in their town in Ohio but it was a Pentecostal church and it was a bit too crazy for her. So then she thought she’d try the little Church of Christ in town.

After the first Sunday the preacher met with her and showed her a simple illustration with a pencil that had been all chewed up and he took a napkin and covered the pencil. He told her that is exactly what Christ does to our sin. He covers our sin.

That clicked with her. The very next Sunday she went forward and was baptized. She never looked back. A few weeks later her husband was baptized as well.

This is Mabel from just a couple years ago. Mabel Irene Sheridan. My grandmother, my hero. She is a beautiful person both inside and out. And listen, Sunday after Sunday, month after month she took her kids to church. Year after year, decade after decade my grandma went to church with her family and she did the very best that she could. She is the reason I stand up to preach every week.

My grandma is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known and she is the reason I will be in heaven one day. Her health is now failing. I feel helpless but not hopeless. I have no doubts about my grandmother’s eternal destiny.

I am grateful for my grandmother’s ceaseless prayers for me and all of her grandchildren. Her deepest desire is that her children and grandchildren will be in heaven. She won’t see all of them, but she will see this one again someday.

My prayer is that her children and grandchildren will desire to see her again someday as well. They can but they have to enter through the same door that she did. It is only through faith in Christ Jesus that anyone can go to heaven. The same faith that I hold on to in a sincere manner…the faith that was first in my grandmother. (2 Timothy 1:5)

A Walk With My Dog

I went on a walk tonight with my dog. We walked in an area that I haven't been to in many years. In fact, the last time I was there was when my sons were still in Cub Scouts.

It triggered a memory for me about that place. I figured that I was on a nice evening stroll but God was reminding me of some lessons He taught me.

When my sons were very young we were in that very same area where I was walking with my dog. My youngest son had done something that upset me. Nothing of importance and certainly nothing that warranted the response he received from me. I yelled at him. I really let him have it.

It is very interesting to me how our minds can have such acute clarity for things that are generally negative. But I remembered, as I stood there with my dog, the look my boy gave me after I had yelled at him.

I know that my son doesn't even remember this incident. But I do. And I replayed it tonight in my mind as I stood there with my dog. The irony for me was that I treated my dog better on this evening than I had my own son so many years earlier.

I hate that moment. I hate that I failed my son that evening. I callously hurt him with my words for some very minor offense that I really should have overlooked. As I said, I know that he doesn't even remember this moment. But I do.

I recalled it tonight. I was reminded that I am a work in progress. I know that our greatest role as a dad is to encourage and build up our kids. When we verbally tear them down we are only revealing how small we really are.

It is a funny thing how a simple walk with your dog can turn into a very powerful moment where God is reminding you of important truths. The most important ministry I have is with my children. Their salvation is my number one priority.

Children are given to us like emotional putty. And we are expected as dads to mold and shape that gift into a confident, strong, God-fearing adult. We are not expected to drop that putty in the dirt and trample it.

If you are a father, realize the gift you have in your children. They are from the abundant grace of our Heavenly Father. Bless them and encourage them.

Careless Words

The Scriptures tell us to be careful with our words. It seems that there are those in Christendom that are not heeding that. I am sure you have heard about the North Carolina pastor who recently said in a sermon that gays and lesbians should be put in an electrified fence area so that they will eventually die out. If you have not heard about it, you can read about it here. Now there is another video that has surfaced of a toddler singing about gays not making it into heaven to thunderous applause and cheers of the church service he was a part of. If you haven't seen that you can see that here.

I have been thinking quite a bit about this and have a few thoughts on these incidents. First, standing up against sin does not give Christians the right to be careless with our words. We are warned by our Lord that one day we will give an account for every word we have spoken (Matthew 12:36). We are told in Proverbs that reckless words pierce like a sword (Proverbs 12:18). Attempting to make fun of sin or act self-righteous in our stand for true marriage is not advancing the cause. It is only hurting it.

Secondly, those who are quick to point out the verbal mis-steps of a few Christians fail to do so when their own side starts throwing flagrant verbal fouls. Of course there was Rosie O'Donnel comparing radical Islam to radical Christianity as being one and the same (in essence saying that Christians are no different than the terrorists of 9/11. Then there's the more recent incident of Dan Savage spewing hate toward Christians. I heard no one condemning these remarks from the gay community.

Reckless, careless words cannot be only one-sided. It is extremely hypocritical of the homosexual community to condemn a Christian who is out of line and not do so when one of their own is as well. Make no mistake about this either. Social media is only adding fuel to these fires. The videos of the goofy Christian guy are going to go viral a lot quicker than the hate speech videos of a gay activist.

As Christians we have a mandate and a prime responsibility to be careful with our speech (Colossians 4:6). If you didn't think so before Facebook, now it is even more pertinent. The world is watching. Many living in darkness are just waiting for another Christian to make a fool of him or herself so that they can plaster that all over the internet for the world to see just how foolish Christians are.

Our message needs to be clear. Homosexuality is sin. Marriage is between one man and one woman for life. But there is no good done when a Christian uses derogatory language or crude terminology to describe homosexuality. One can hardly imagine Jesus being impolite or rude or speaking to people in a demeaning way. There is no place for that kind of behavior. This is the approach of people like the very un-Christlike individuals at Westboro Baptist.

That is exactly what those in the homosexual movement want to portray anyone who opposes homosexuality as. Don't give the other side more ammo in this fight for truth.