Viral Vision

Being a pastor in a smaller church is a real struggle sometimes. You want to do so much. You see the need for so many things to be fixed or made better, but the reality is you are always in a catch 22. If you focus on too many things as a pastor, you fail at everything. If you don't do enough, it usually doesn't get done.

The trick is being okay with that. One guy can't do it all. There has to be a vision that is cast (and re-cast and re-cast and re-cast) and there has to be a motivation for people to embrace that vision and then be willing to sacrifice personally to make sure it gets accomplished.

Seminars and conferences for a smaller church pastor can be intensely frustrating as well (even for the church he serves too). Because you see all these great things and get all these neat ideas, but you are still left with the fact that it will only happen if you end up doing it.

Over these past few years I have allowed myself the freedom of being okay with only doing a couple of things...and doing them to the very best of my ability. (I can't say that I don't fall back into old patterns from time to time.) Preaching my message on Sunday is my TOP PRIORITY. Nothing supercedes that.

My next focus is relationship building/leadership development. Part pastoring, part teaching. It is the slow prodding of people to the next level. And it is grueling work at times. But it is something that a smaller church pastor needs to pour his life into.

I think that the challenge is realizing when it is okay to change your focus (although I believe my first focus should never change). I think that I cannot continue being so entrenched in people's lives if the church is going to grow. If the church starts to grow and I continue the ministry the same way, the growth will only be sporatic at best and will only go to a certain level before it stops completely.

Because more people are doing more ministry, the church is being energized and growth is happening. I am just being honest with the fact that most of the time, I am flying by the seat of my pants with this whole thing. Being a leader is a drag at times because you want people to have confidence that you know what you are doing, but any leader would probably confess that (at least at times) we don't know what we are doing.

And I think that's okay, ultimately. Because that requires more dependence on God. I know momentum is increasing in the church right now and I want it to continue. But that doesn't happen with me. My preaching is NOT a sustaining element. It is definitely within the Body itself (as well as God's Spirit moving in our midst).

So I've been praying about my next step. My next focus. What it should be. Our growth at the church also cannot be "event" centered. (I'm convinced of this.) It has to be a cultural shift within our Body. People in general will desire to make invites happen. That is how serious growth is going to occur for us.

I think that culture is getting there, but we still have a way to go. And, to be honest, I will still be an event-promoter for a while. But hopefully soon, it isn't going to be about any event. It will about who we are as a church. That we will become something viral...like a crazy Youtube video that everybody just has to see. We will become a place where everybody is just wanting to see what we're all about.

Where I am at right now...

I have been struggling a bit lately. I have sincerely been dissatisfied with our attendance numbers at The Fort. I feel like we have got to make a change. It has to happen. We are too comfortable. And if it doesn't change, I don't know what will happen.

It is killing me inside. I remember back when I was in Bible College and the excitement I held. I was chomping at the bit to get out of the classroom and into ministry. I had so many dreams about what it would be like. (I understand I was naive...and I really was.) But it seems that what I have experienced so far isn't anywhere near the dream I held.

It isn't that I am not thankful for all that God has done in my life, because he has. It is just that I know we can do better than we are as a church. I wonder at times if it is me. Am I the reason we are at the number we are at? Can I only lead a church to a certain size? Do I have the leadership skills to take it to another level?

Maybe there's sin. Maybe there is hidden, secret sin that hasn't been dealt with and that is holding us back as a congregation. I don't know. Whatever it is...I can't stay at these numbers and be okay with it any longer. Something has got to change. We have got to start working at this with all of our heart.

What it means is that we have got to take our worship up to a whole new level. We have got to create the best worship experiences we know how to do. We have to make the climate and culture of our church a place where people WANT to invite their family, friends, coworkers and neighbors.

To be 100% honest, I feel alone in this struggle sometimes. I feel like people pay lip service to desiring the church to grow but aren't willing to commit to getting us there. And that falls back on me. Because maybe I am not casting a strong enough vision. Maybe I don't know how.

I want it. I literally ache for it. I lose sleep over it. I have cried about it. I have begged God about it.

It kills me to think that as a congregation we are okay with being where we are. That it doesn't really matter that there are more lost people right around us that are going to die and go to hell without Jesus every single week and we struggle with getting out of bed on Sundays! That kills me. Don't we care?! We are letting them down.

I so want that to change. How can we be so numb when we've been so well fed?

My Encounter Journey (Day 4)

Today's Scriptures are Mark 10:46-52. I think my blindness is more pervasive at times than physical blindness. The problem with my blindness is that I like it. I don’t move myself to the roadside where Jesus might come by. I like to stay comfortable, in the darkness, abiding time in a recliner in a cave. But I need to begin to learn to position myself closer to Jesus.

I need to move beyond the darkness of the cave of my comfortable habits that keep me in darkness. I need to place myself along the roadside of accountability and friendship. I need to call out to Christ daily. I do that by opening the Word. As I do that, He passes near. What would I say if Jesus asked me the question, "What do you want me to do for you?"

That is a penetrating question. I want to see. But what would I see if Jesus really opened my eyes? (That thought is pretty scary to me as well.) I feel like Neo in the Matrix at times. Very comfortable with blindness...but the thing that is really real is that which is beyond my physical sight.

I want to see that reality at least once. I hope God will grant that for me before I die. I want to know how real the spiritual forces are that are all around me.

I guess I would ask Jesus to help me keep my eyes open. Maybe he works more like an opthamologist or optometrist...where he helps us find the right glasses. However it works, I would ask him to help me see. And in my 20/20 vision I might see how much damage my words can do to my two wonderful sons if I don't watch what I say. I might see how much heartache I can bring my wife when I work hard to preserve my selfishness. I might see a lot of things that would make me uncomfortable...but that would be a good thing.

"Lord, Jesus, help me...a poor, blind beggar. I cannot see unless you help me to. Give me vision. Lift the scales from my eyes. In Your Name."