Where I am at right now...

I have been struggling a bit lately. I have sincerely been dissatisfied with our attendance numbers at The Fort. I feel like we have got to make a change. It has to happen. We are too comfortable. And if it doesn't change, I don't know what will happen.

It is killing me inside. I remember back when I was in Bible College and the excitement I held. I was chomping at the bit to get out of the classroom and into ministry. I had so many dreams about what it would be like. (I understand I was naive...and I really was.) But it seems that what I have experienced so far isn't anywhere near the dream I held.

It isn't that I am not thankful for all that God has done in my life, because he has. It is just that I know we can do better than we are as a church. I wonder at times if it is me. Am I the reason we are at the number we are at? Can I only lead a church to a certain size? Do I have the leadership skills to take it to another level?

Maybe there's sin. Maybe there is hidden, secret sin that hasn't been dealt with and that is holding us back as a congregation. I don't know. Whatever it is...I can't stay at these numbers and be okay with it any longer. Something has got to change. We have got to start working at this with all of our heart.

What it means is that we have got to take our worship up to a whole new level. We have got to create the best worship experiences we know how to do. We have to make the climate and culture of our church a place where people WANT to invite their family, friends, coworkers and neighbors.

To be 100% honest, I feel alone in this struggle sometimes. I feel like people pay lip service to desiring the church to grow but aren't willing to commit to getting us there. And that falls back on me. Because maybe I am not casting a strong enough vision. Maybe I don't know how.

I want it. I literally ache for it. I lose sleep over it. I have cried about it. I have begged God about it.

It kills me to think that as a congregation we are okay with being where we are. That it doesn't really matter that there are more lost people right around us that are going to die and go to hell without Jesus every single week and we struggle with getting out of bed on Sundays! That kills me. Don't we care?! We are letting them down.

I so want that to change. How can we be so numb when we've been so well fed?