The hard work of marriage

Marriage can be hard. That's just a true statement. It takes work. From what I have seen, typically there are four pictures at any given moment in a marriage.

There is the picture in the husband's mind of what he believes his wife is trying to turn him into. Maybe he thinks his wife is trying to turn him into some emasculated version of Richard Simmons. Oh wait, he already is emasculated...but I digress. The husband usually thinks his wife wants to deflate his masculinity and inflate his feminine side. She wants him to help with cooking, cleaning and noticing how pretty she is. And the husband thinks that his wife wants him to join Richard Simmons fan club.

There is the picture in the wife's mind of what she believes her husband is trying to turn her into. Maybe she thinks her husband wants to be married to June Cleaver. She thinks all he wants is a little domesticated mouse at home who waits on her husband's every need and want.

Then there is also the picture that God has for the relationship. This picture is too often not held closely by either spouse.

Then there is the sad picture of reality. It isn't what the husband's picture looks like and it isn't what the wife's picture looks like and sadly, reality is usually very far from what God's picture looks like for the relationship.

The goal in any marriage is to move away from the exaggerated pictures held by the husband or wife and to gain a clear vision of God's picture for their marriage. Then they will more easily be able to transition from reality's picture to God's picture.

A really good place to start is by exploring what God's Word says. Ephesians 5:21-25 is a picture where you see two people mutually submitting to each other and the husband initiating an aggressive love (AGAPE) toward his wife.

When a man attempts to love his wife in such a way that he wants to out-serve her. When he will not be satisfied with her serving him more than he serves her. In a setting like that, there is not a woman on this planet that would not easily find herself submitting to a Man like that. Because a man like that has embraced God's picture for his marriage. The picture of self-sacrifice. When you have a relationship filled with two people trying to serve each other, you have a thing of beauty.