Remembering

Sometimes remembering is good. Sometimes it's not. Remembering happens to us at unexpected times. We don't usually sit down and plan on remembering something. It just kind of happens. We just are going along doing our thing and then all of a sudden, we remember.

We remember the moment we got caught. And we wince. We don't like to think about the look we received.

Or we remember that kiss. How awesome it was. How long and sweet it was. And how we felt like we were just going to literally float away while it was happening.

Or we remember when he took his last breath. And how we all couldn't breathe ourselves after that. And how much it hurt to know that he really was never going to speak again.

Or we remember the argument. The venomous anger that we just let explode from our mouth. And we feel such shame that it happened.

Or we remember that meal. And how when she served it to us, it was almost like being in heaven because nothing tastes as good as this in the way she makes it.

We remember. And we don't force it to happen. It just does. We remember. While we're driving. While we're showering. While we're praying. We remember.

But it is interesting that Jesus wants us to remember. In fact, he kind of demands it. He said, "Do this in remembrance of Me."

I don't know about you. But it is hard to force myself to remember something. Not that it can't happen...because it does...but my mind wanders so easily. I find it better to be caught up in a memory when I am not expecting it. And then when it fully grasps your mind and heart, to just swim around in that memory until it is fully drained from your emotions.

I want to remember Jesus like that. All the time. Everytime. Just at strange, odd, moments. When I am not expecting to remember Him. Maybe as I stare into the eyes of my wife...and then to remember that Jesus died for her and he loves her so much more than I could ever begin to try.

Or when I am driving down the road...and I see a little cross with flowers on the side of the road as a marker that someone lost someone they loved at that spot. And then to be brought to Calvary in my heart to know that someone died for someone who didn't love back like that.

Just to remember. Honestly, taking communion for me is hard sometimes. I just wish I didn't do it sometimes. I feel like I am so unready for it. So rushed in the moment. It is almost like each week we say to each other, "Hurry up and remember what Jesus did so the preacher can get through the sermon!"

Hurry up and remember. I can't. I can't do it so fast. How can you?

It's like when I think about seeing my grandpa die. Even now...I am so flooded with the memory it is hard to rush my mind through something like that. How do I rush looking at my naked Savior, bleeding and dying for my wretched soul?

Remember. That's what Jesus wants us to do. As often as we can. But it is so hard. And honestly, sometimes I don't want to. Almost like how I don't want to watch certain movies because I know I will cry...and I don't want to be emotional...I just don't even want to go there.

I find Jesus' command to remember very perplexing. But no matter what I think or feel...Jesus still says, "Remember me." Maybe the more I remember him...the clearer it will be for Him to remember me.

Kind of like the thief on the cross...Lord, remember me when you enter your kingdom.

Remember?