Head of the Home

I was talking with a young couple thinking about getting married the other day. We have been having these regularly scheduled "sessions" with each other. This last session I took time to focus in on the guy. I wanted him to know what leadership in the home is all about.

I started by asking her if she liked it or not that the Bible says that she needs to "submit to her husband." She didn't like that, she admitted. She said she would rather see it as a team effort that they both equally and cooperatively make all decisions together.

I told her that sounds great but it will not work. The problem is reality. Because what really happens is that a we are faced with a plethora of decisions that need one person and one person alone to make the call for the whole family. And who is that going to be?

Because the Bible would say he should. In fact it says he is the head of the home. But what exactly does that look like?

I think it looks something like this...

Think about Jesus for a moment. King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Think about a foot now. An unwashed, dirty, cracked-skin foot. Think about warm water flowing over that foot. Think about the King of Kings and Lord of Lords gently caressing that unkempt foot. Think about the Mighty Arm of the Lord holding up this foot so he can wipe it down.

It is quite a picture if you think about it. But the way I see it is this. To be the head is to be the servant. It is bottom up leadership.

Most men have their wives completely obliterate them when it comes to service. Women, by nature, are more servant-hearted than men are. Men are wired to be selfish. And we have to fight those innate tendencies.

Women typically focus on others. It is just the way they are wired. I think if the husband began to attempt to out-serve his wife (which he may find a daunting task) then most marital problems would become null and void.

But here's what else I believe. I believe that the only way a woman can be expected to "submit to her husband" is when he is "loving her like Christ loved the church." When a man loves/leads like that...I don't care if it is the most militant feminist, she will have her heart melted. When a man is out-serving a woman...putting her needs always before his own...ask that woman if she would submit to a man like that and you will always receive a resounding, "YES!"

Being the head of the home means cleaning dirty feet. Being the leader means that she is always more important. And most "men" are nowhere near that kind of definition.