Several
months later he tried to collect damages for his injuries. And the lawyers from
the insurance company protested and said, “But we have the police report and
you said at the scene of the accident that you didn’t have any injuries.”
He
said, “Let me explain. There was the collision. I’m laying there on the side of
the road and shortly a Texas Ranger shows up. He walks over to the farmer who
is kneeling by his wounded horse. The farmer says, ‘It’s hopeless. His leg is
broke.’ The ranger pulls out his pistol and shoots the horse. Then he walks
over to me and says, ‘Are you okay?’”
Well
a lot of us feel like that guy. When it comes to talking about sickness and our
injuries and our illnesses and healing, we don’t exactly know how to articulate
what we believe.
Let me begin by saying this: I
struggle with depression. That little sentence is hard for me to write. It’s
hard for me to write and admit on many levels. I am a guy. I am supposed to
have it all together. I’m supposed to not let things get to me. I’m a pastor. I
am the answer guy. I am the guy that people come to when they are depressed and
are asking for help.
I am not supposed to be dealing
with this. But I am. I have been for many years. And only a couple years ago
did I actually sit down with my doctor to talk about it. She ended up
prescribing a low dose anti-depressant for me that I take every day.
It has certainly helped but it
still hasn’t taken it all away. There are days (and sometimes weeks) that are
very hard for me. Now listen, I have become a master at putting on a good face.
I know how to do image management.
But when I am alone in my
thoughts or in quietness for too long, I am all too aware of wanting to sink
low. Why is that? Why have I battled this for so long?
Shouldn’t I be above such
struggles? Is my faith not where it should be? Is there some secret sin in my life
that is unconfessed? Am I a hypocrite?
I preached a sermon series on
healing a couple years ago because of this struggle in my life. I believe that
God always answers the request for healing, but sometimes the answer is no. I
also believe that God uses the skilled knowledge of doctors and medicines to
heal as well.
So a couple of thoughts on
depression that I have come to terms with:
1.
Dealing with
depression does not mean that you have a weak faith or hidden sin. Of course,
those things may be true but you cannot make that conclusion based on the fact
that someone has depression. Christians of all theological backgrounds and
different faith levels still get sick or struggle with depression. And most
Christians die of disease. Most Christians do not live to a ripe old age of 100
and die peacefully in their sleep. Most Christians I have known in my life died
of disease. This was true in New Testament times. And the early church never
rebuked the sick for their failure to name and claim their healing. There are
sick saints all throughout the New Testament.
In Philippians 2, Paul mentions Epaphroditus. He was
so sick Paul thought he was going to die. No doubt that Paul had prayed for him
several times. In 2 Timothy 4 Paul writes that he had to leave Trophimus on the
island of Miletus. That’s interesting because Paul is very lonely at the end of
2 Timothy 4 and he’s begging Timothy to come quickly. Paul wanted company but
one of his dearest coworkers he had to leave on an island because he was too
sick to travel. Timothy is told in 1 Timothy 5 to drink a little wine for his
stomach’s sake and for your frequent illnesses.
And even Paul said in Galatians 4:13, “As you know,
it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you.” (NIV) This is very interesting to me that so
many of Paul’s coworkers dealt with sickness especially when you read Acts and
you know that Paul had a healing gift. Just because someone has depression does
not mean that they have a weak faith.
2. Don’t miss out on the
lessons. There is much evil in this world. Often God blesses his children not
with the absence of trials but with the presence of more grace. I am not
prepared to say, like some, that God always wills or predetermines our
sicknesses. I think most of our illnesses are just the fallout of a marred
creation. But I am quite prepared to say that God can accomplish his will in
spite of and even through the random evils we encounter.
The way he does that is by granting us spiritual
strength in the midst of temporal weakness. So for example, Paul says of his
thorn in his side, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from
me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:8-9, NIV)
I have learned to look for the lessons in this
struggle with depression. God hasn’t taken it away from me (not for lack of
prayer on my part) but I do want to be able to see what it is He still wants me
to see. I know that in my struggle He is made strong in my weakness. So I
trust.
Let
me ask you a question, is it possible sometimes that we want healing more than
we want God? That’s something I really asked myself. Remember when Satan came
to God regarding Job? Satan said that all Job cared about are the handouts. God
said, “Not Job. Job will love me even if he is not healthy. Go ahead and touch
his body because Job will still look to me.” God knew Job wanted the Lord more
than he wanted healing.
Deliverance
is a wonderful and gracious gift of God but so is perseverance. The ability to
persevere on a strength greater than you have yourself is a wonderful gift of
God. So sometimes healing does not come so that you can get something better.
That’s what I am trusting in.
Sometimes
it is our hope that most gathers the attention of the world. What did Peter
say? He said we better be ready to give an answer for the hope that we hold
dear.
We
have a God sovereign and gracious who will give us whatever we need in the
moment to be able to keep holding on no matter what we are facing. I need to remember
that. He’s already proved enough. So I will give Him glory in the light or in
the dark! No matter what, He will be glorified!